I was flipping through the blog of one of my commenters just now and found this post, along with a photo of her parachuting. (http://watchthethinker.blogspot.com/)
"I want that feeling all the time - in everything I do. That is life and that is living. Being present, dancing on the razor's edge, unafraid, confident...fully trusting. Giving in to the unknowing and soaring without fear, adding a touch of humor, (a stylish jumpsuit, of course) and a feeling of complete certainty in every present moment - that is indeed LIVING. Having a funny, trusting sidekick ready to deploy a parachute and guide you in your landing doesn't hurt either!"
It's odd how perfectly this describes my goal. In fact, I was just talking to my cousin about it. As open as I am emotionally, I'm a chickenshixxx when it comes to traveling too far from my home. Go to the local library, read about the world, get the life history of the librarian and then blog to millions of strangers about it? That's me. But take a one hour trip to Disneyland and have to force myself to relax my rushing thoughts? That's me, too. ("No, the Matterhorn won't break down mid-turn, catapulting me onto the furry Yeti and forcing my son to be the only child in the history of time made into an orphan at the happiest place on earth.")
I want to go last minute to San Diego to enjoy Old Town, the Gas Lamp District and walks along the warm sands of La Jolla, stopping for coffee in the Living Room near the caves. I am proud of myself that I'm too spirited to allow nerves to stop me, but worrying about having a panic attack on the 5 while fretting over illegal alien children who might be stuck in a pipe along the ocean? That gets tiring.
Though probably not as tiring as this post is. Or my husband, who went to bed at 10pm while I'm about to drink coffee, avoid exercise and list a few 4 buck items on Ebay which will only make me more tired, frustrated and anxious in the future.
Oh, it's fun to be me.
6 comments:
I hope you take that last minute trip to San Diego to enjoy Old Town, the Gas Lamp District and walk along the sands of La Jolla...and then come here and share your adventures with us, course!
I like the idea of trips. But I get anxious too that something terrible will happen. I want to take my kids to Europe, for instance, but then I remember the necessity of airline travel and vow that we will never undertake such intercontinental madness. I want to be more spontaneous, and locally I do pretty well. But I am afraid of the larger world and how little control I exercise there over my own safety. Which is why I could never bring myself to leap out of an airplane for fun. What if the parachute didn't open? It's not a risk I'm willing to take, although I admire from a distance those who are.
I felt the same way. My university told us about the London study abroad and I yearned to got but knew I couldn't...you know, husband, two kids, etc. I told my husband about it and he insisted I go. And it happened! I'm sure he's not ready to take on mommy duty for 5 weeks again anytime soon, but it was amazing.
That loosened me up and if it were up to me, we'd be taking road trips every weekend.
Wow, Mama Amisare - you are brave. And it's something I'm going to do some day for sure. Last time I was in London, pre kids, I spent two days in a hotel room, one day traveling, and then home. It was just so surprising, because my personality is not at all inhibited. But you inspire me!
And Erin, I'm so right there with you. Maybe we will parachute together one day. 2 feet. From the porch to the grass.
Definitely come to San Diego!! ;)
Between you and me - I spent our first night in Rome quaking under a blanket in abject terror and crying. Cool, huh?
Traveling is stressful. I am a crabby bitch until we get out the door, worrying about everything, and then, once we leave, it's all better and i can do my hippy impression of "whatever happens, happens". Dude.
Waiting for child to leave for college and cats to die, then i want to go everywhere, well, as long as there is good plumbing.
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