It's 5am. I'm attempting to switch my schedule around. I figure if the kids sleep until 7, why not use the first two hours of the day to write? I can sit in front of the Xmas tree, peruse magazines, and sip my coffee without having to explain, "No, we can't lick the face off the 1960's nutcracker... Why? Because we can't. And I need the ten bucks to help out Santa, not Kaiser, when you need the glass pinecone dislodged from your lower intestine."
Then again, by tomorrow, I'll probably be woken in a stupor by Stink leaning over me, asking "Mommy, why are you drooling over the snowman pillow? And can you turn on Scooby? But first... wipe my butt."
As usual, I'm a woman conflicted. One side of brain: "I love these kids so much I could eat them." Other side of brain: "If I can't poop without requests for goldfish I will lose my mind."
I know the kids are young only once, and I don't want to look back over this time and think, I should have enjoyed them more. I don't think I will, because the truth is, I do so love these kids. Not one regret. Every day they are growing into emotional and responsible people who surprise me, enlighten me, and truly entertain me. But of course, I miss the small part of Mama P who enjoys being enlightened, suprised and entertained by, well, Mama P. (By things other than Elmo and grilled cheese sandwiches.)
So, once again, I'm putting on my war gear to go after that elusive enemy and friend: balance.
Which me luck - I'll be brave.
Or sleeping.
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8 comments:
I wish you luck.
I remember those days. I missed me too back then.
Good luck! I can't perform basic tasks at 5 am like sitting upright and not drooling, so writing at that hour would be an enormous challenge. But it sounds so appealing when you describe it!
Balance is also my enemy, he's tricksy. If you beat him, give me tips. Oh and pooping without interruption - a luxury I understand!
You're so speaking my language. 5 1/2 and 3 yrs old....have also lost myself - eh, but school starts (for me) next month. Maybe then?
Meno - I know you remember those days. I thank you for your constant readership.
Erin - I am NOT a morning person either. I'm simply trying something new. I feel good about my day today.. I was less "wanting to be elsewhere" while the kids were awake since I got some stuff accomplished early. Of course, computer is being funky, but it's a work in progress. How's your writing?
Maggie - I know you understand - twins no less. I feel like I have twins since they're only 18 months apart.
Mommyham - Yes, this time next year both kids will be in preschool. Of course I'll miss them then and write how I hate being alone. I'm that much of a freak.
Mama P, 18 months apart is close enough to be twins.
Thank you so much for your comment, my art is a good release for emotions I don't always know how to handle.
My daughters are 14 months apart and how well I remember trying to find that balance. They are in their 40's now and working on their own balancing acts.
Something tells me that what you are feeling is quite natural. LOL.. Judging by the comments and other blog entries by parents, it sounds pretty darn consistent. Makes me wonder how my mother stood my brother and me without locking us out of the house. :)
Peace,
~Chani
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