Oprah always says that white people feel guilty for their blessings. She says she never does because she grew up not just poor, but "po--"... so broke that she couldn't even afford the last two letters.
I admit that I fall into the category of feeling guilty sometimes for my hard, hard life. I find myself complaining of exhaustion from running the kids to swim lessons (some people can't afford such luxuries.) I'm tired from shuttling them back and forth to preschool (more of the same thing as the first.) I'm so booked with parties, baby showers and wedding celebrations this month that I am going bonkers trying to find babysitting for all the events - events which I just show up for and get fed great food, great wine and have great conversation.
Oh, and poor me. In between all this "work" I have to fit in time for my networking. Which takes place on one of the most famous beaches in the world.
Then there's Paris Hilton. Do I think she deserves jail time? Sure. But when I think about her entitlement issues, I have to look inwardly and wonder what seperates me from her. I have phones, and clothes and cars and friends. She just has more of it. And to some people out there, who are Po--, I might as well be Paris Hilton.
I have attempted the logic on many occasion of "I have worked hard. I chose a good man to be my partner." But sometimes, when I really look at the big picture, I can't help but feel guilty anyway. I was born into a good family. I was sent to good schools. Sure, I made good choices (MOST of the time. Getting knocked up at 21 one of the first times I ever had sex? I'm thinking that falls under the "not such a great choice" category.) But I had a great support system during the rough times and learned from my mistakes.
I've said it before, but when I think of single moms out there - despite their choices - I can't help but think I must pay back. And so, regardless of the narcissitic bend of these personal writings, I am keeping my eye always moving toward others who might benefit from my help. Isn't everyone entitled to bitch about the mundane things of life? To dream as much as I do?
Anyone else have a thought on this?
13 comments:
I love reading your introspections ..make me think about life more...
Mama P, this post just hit on a bajillion different things that we middle-class folks with a love for our fellow [wo]man wrestle with every day.
To answer your question, yes, I think we do get to bitch about the mundane things in life, provided that such bitchings remain as mundane as the things about which we are bitching. In other words, BALANCE. IT's ok to have blessings, better still if you pay it forward. It's ok to have negative feelings, better still to have more positive than negative - ya know?
And FWIW - When I think of balance and women who are striving for it, you're one of the peeps I think of!
Well said, Mama P.
But leave the guilt. Like worry, it is a useless emotion which does not actually benefit anyone, least of all you.
Giving of our time, our selves and when we can, out money, will make more a difference in the world then guilt. This you know.
And thanks for the reminder about my calender. No, the sermon had not slipped my mind. But now I can actually work on the thing. And you will see it soon.
Hamiam is right, it's all about balance.
As for P.H., I have a low tolerance for people who make the news on a continuous basis who's only claim to fame is a last name, pretty clothes and breaking the law when there are so many out their risking their lives and/or trying to make a difference.
I don't think it's worth feeling guilty. Rather, I think it's just good to be aware of your luck and achievements, so that you remember to give back a little, when you can.
I donated to the Humane Society while I was unemployed and bitching about my maxed out credit cards (while typing on my blog from my own computer in my own, cute little house in my soft pajamas) for just that reason.
Balance is good.
"I've said it before, but when I think of single moms out there - despite their choices - I can't help but think I must pay back."
I'm not exactly sure where you were heading with this. I'm not exactly where I'm headed with single motherhood. It's not as awful as I thought it might be. But, it's lonely and the pay isn't great.
Liza - Glad you can read something and think. I wish I stopped thinking sometimes.
Ham - Balance is good, yes.
One Tall Momma - I will work on leaving the guilt behind.
Pam - I'm with you on P.H.
Princess in Galoshes - Humane Society is a great cause.
Gretchen - Ditto on the balance deal.
Liv - I was actually referring to super young moms who have kids thinking life is going to be easier. Or moms, like maybe I would have been at 21 if I hadn't lost the baby, where I might make different choices in raising my kids due to being young and freaked out. It wasn't any judgement on being a single mom if that's where life is at for you. It's about helping people if they need it. I know I do.
"Knocked-Up"?? Are you referring to your oldest child here? Gawd, I detest that expression. It's such a "stud-guy" expression. Couldn't you say "got pregnant?". Let's home your kid doesn't read your blog. Cece
Anonymous - I am not talking about my eldest child. It was a pregnancy that didn't end up going to term due to a miscarriage. As far as your comment "Let's home your kid doesn't read your blog" I am not concerned. I am raising them with a sense of humor and understanding that people make mistakes. Like your spelling. It's "hope" not "home." And I forgive you.
Geez. Sorry. Sometimes I can't spell and sometimes I just can't keep my biases to myself. I love your blog and my guess is your kids will too, someday. I still hate that term though. But who asked??! Cece
Anon - No worries. You are entitled to your opinion. It actually is a nice change to have a little fire/opposite view. I appreciate you reading me like you do.
This is a great post. I think about this stuff a lot. I agree with onetallmomma that guilt won't help matters. But I do think it's healthy to keep in mind that we're not too far off from Paris, and we really aren't any better than she is. I actually wrote a post this past week to that effect. Or is it affect?
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