I keep hearing about these internet giveaways. Well, do I have a surprise for you. It's none other than the $12.00 snowcone cup from the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus Consumerism Under a Tent Fiasco! It has a lid that opens up and down, measures almost one foot tall, but sadly, unlike Mama P at a thrift store where she scores ten "I love You But Jesus Thinks You're An Asshxxx" bumper stickers for a quarter, this baby does not roar.
However, unlike Winona Ryder on a bad hair day shoplifting from a dime store and having a mug shot rivaling her role as pasty girl in Beetle Juice, you can get this overpriced merchandise for FREE.
Well, almost.
Whoever has the best use for this growly, thorn-in-my-side-should-have-beaten-the-clown-over-the-head-with-this-Americana-atrocity wins.
I'll even pay for shipping. (But I'm cheap. So expect parcel post. Or pidgeon carrier. If the bird can crap on the vendors that sold me this junk, so much the better. If the bird happens to be a tap dancing fowl who lands the opening act and gets a book deal before I do, it will be served for Taco Tuesday. Animal rights picketers, you have been warned.)
Now go! What would this contain in your home? Condoms? Coffee? Yarn for a pair of snuggly wuggly slippers that you'll crochet for me in ever lasting thanks? I can't wait to hear....
10 comments:
Yeah, but does it hold coffee or Diet Coke????
You're hilarious!
Please don't send it to our house. I'm trying to get rid of stuff, not take anymore.
On second thoughts ...
:0
I would try to think of something to put in it but we are trying to simplify. I have to admit, it's rather...ah...unique.
I absolutely love it and MUST have it. Mama P, you may not remember me...we worked together years ago
Hey, doesn't it kind of remind you of "Boo Boo Kitty" from LaVerne and Shirley?
Ooh! Ooh! Wouldn't it be fun to drill nostril holes and have me burn white sage in yoga class so it would blow smoke from within? He could be harnessing the breath or feeling the "fire within" in my vinyasa class...
oh, and just to further ply you with my love of getting shit in the mail, I'll make a deal. If I am the lucky winner, I'll find something to give away at my expense. :)
Gretchen - It might be able to hold the $ you'd make on the Ebay sales of your Harry Potter books when you're done reading them. Unless you're one who saves every book you've ever read, in which case it can hold a list of coupons for new shelving.
Liv - I am liking your idea of a yoga kitty. From consumerism to yoga - the transformation of a beast!
Pam - I KNOW you want it. For your vitamins. Or organic cookies for the grandkids? For Wil's razors?
Liza - Come on. You NEED it. For prayer requests? For your parents' meds?
Jannica - Yes I remember you! It took me a second, but then I figured Kate plugged you into this wacky rambling of mine. How's the bed and breakfast?
I'd store my 10 inch dildo in it.
Really, don't send it to me. It would just end up as landfill.
Well, maybe a Strawberry Margarita would be good, the pink might look nice with the white. Or, hummmm. not condoms, the kids would blow them up as balloons the minute company came over. You know that don't you. And it would be a Pastor or Boss Man or someone. Maybe rubber bands? Or...well. I don't need more junk. But my own darling daughter would use it in the bath, or the sandbox, until it was wore out and I could then recylce it into a diet coke bottle. Which is always good.
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