Thursday, January 03, 2008

I've Been in Dee-Nial Too Long

Everyone has this cousin or friend they can't live without. You know, the ones that make you laugh, know your favorite foods, can tease you about ex-boyfriends and remember your kids' birthdays.

Everyone also has those cousins or friends that sometimes they want to live without. The ones that know too much about you, such as the time certain foods in Tiajuana made you throw up more than Robert Downey Jr. on a bender. Or the love of your life that turned out gay. Or the time your prom date left you last minute for your best friend and you had to go to the dance with a Morman usher from your local movie theatre job that came up to your tits.

In my case, this person is both, and it's no other than Dee. Shalom, Dee! Yes, you're getting your tribute! Thank God for Dee. It's nice to talk to someone and tell a "Melvin" joke (my deceased dad). It's gratifying to know someone cares about you enough to really make you laugh (such as dumb books with our faces imprinted over celebrities) or piss you off. (In my case, she was banned from being in my first wedding for having the audacity... er... forward thinking to say, "You know, you don't haaaave to get married.")

Truth be told, Dee is above and beyond the best friend anyone could ever ask for. She's also irritating enough that she might have reminded me more than once that she's never been mentioned in my blog.

And people, she might know me, but I know her like the back of my Diet Coke can (In our case, another Melvinism, I know her better than my "dietetic soda".) Ex: I intentionally did not put up a photo, because this is what I'd hear:

"Oh my God, could you find a bigger picture of my ass?" or....

"Why did you put one from 'The Craig Years' up?" or...

"Wait a minute... is that the shot right before the DJ hit on me or when your drunk brother-in-law demanded the DJ play "White Wedding?" Wow, your second marriage did a lot of good for my ego. Remeber that guy Jim? What happened to him?

I instead will post this photo, a tribute to her never-ending ability to buy the perfect gift. Even if it's just a talking Scooby card that my son played Over. And over. And over. I could kill her for it, but I love her for making such a hit with him. And here's her response to that statement:

"Of course he loved it. Lord knows you wouldn't spend the 4 bucks on it. Someone has to. Dee Dee will buy his love!"

And let's not forget...

"Oh... Stink. Look how cute he is. But why is his shirt untucked? And why is his face so chapped? And go empty the trash! But seriously, Arfie (that's my name - no joke) you're such a good mom. Joy to the World! La Chaiem!"

Who's your Dee Dee? You know you have one.

More of my writing can be found on I write under the name Andrea Frazer and can be found here. Look for me at in mid January.


liv said...

Gawd. Do I have a Dee? I'll go with Nicole...although motherhood has really softened her candy ass.

Barrie said...

I want to be invited to a party with Dee! I am so not mentioning the Dee in my life. Cyberspace is too small. :) Love the name of your blog, BTW!!

His Girl said...

Cousin Judi all the way. Knows WAY too much about me, but only holds it against me when i really, really need it.

Can't imagine life without her. Even though she's getting back on an airplane and leaving me again tomorrow.

great 'tribute' to your friend... makes me like her already.

Maggie said...

the saddest thing ever: I don't have one. But I'm working on it!

amisare waswerebeen said...

Brandy is the one that I wouldn't want writing a tell-all book about me. We were inseparable through our teenage, aka stupidest decisions made in history, years. A time filled with roller rinks, dating best friends, and late night ridiculousness.

Monnik said...

I am lucky enough to have two best pals from way back who know me WAY to well.

Dee sounds like a keeper. Go Dee!

Gretchen said...

I don't have a Dee Dee either; but a few of my closest friends are a combination-Dee Dee. How's that?

Maybe I should advertise.:)

Loved the voice in this awesome tribute, Arfie.


Laura said...

We are very lucky to have a few Dee Dee's in our circle of family and friends.

Thanks for visiting my blog and your positive comments. I appreciate it. (especially with such a tough post topic like discipline.)

I have been reading a few of your back posts - great blog! Thanks for sharing!


Pam said...

A Dee? Oh yeah! And I thank the heavens for her every night.

I have been taking a break from my computer and BlogLand for a little bit and you have been posting like a crazy woman, love it! And I'm voting for your son for president!

ms chica said...

I don't have a Dee, so I'm suffering from a little envy. It would scare the crap out of me if any of my friends knew that much about me.

On second thought, my sister qualifies. We have equal blackmail resources.

Valerie said...

well, even though she's not related, Kristie would have to be my Dee Dee. the kind of friend who texts you a photo of her bbq dinner while you're home with the flu.

now THAT'S a friend.

Susie Q said...

Hey Dee! We all need a Dee. Mine is my buddy Terri. She knows waaaay too much about me. I just pray she never has time to write a book.

LOVE that T shirt. And his face, chapped or otherwise.