Everyone has this cousin or friend they can't live without. You know, the ones that make you laugh, know your favorite foods, can tease you about ex-boyfriends and remember your kids' birthdays.
Everyone also has those cousins or friends that sometimes they want to live without. The ones that know too much about you, such as the time certain foods in Tiajuana made you throw up more than Robert Downey Jr. on a bender. Or the love of your life that turned out gay. Or the time your prom date left you last minute for your best friend and you had to go to the dance with a Morman usher from your local movie theatre job that came up to your tits.
In my case, this person is both, and it's no other than Dee. Shalom, Dee! Yes, you're getting your tribute! Thank God for Dee. It's nice to talk to someone and tell a "Melvin" joke (my deceased dad). It's gratifying to know someone cares about you enough to really make you laugh (such as dumb books with our faces imprinted over celebrities) or piss you off. (In my case, she was banned from being in my first wedding for having the audacity... er... forward thinking to say, "You know, you don't haaaave to get married.")
Truth be told, Dee is above and beyond the best friend anyone could ever ask for. She's also irritating enough that she might have reminded me more than once that she's never been mentioned in my blog.
And people, she might know me, but I know her like the back of my Diet Coke can (In our case, another Melvinism, I know her better than my "dietetic soda".) Ex: I intentionally did not put up a photo, because this is what I'd hear:
"Oh my God, could you find a bigger picture of my ass?" or....
"Why did you put one from 'The Craig Years' up?" or...
"Wait a minute... is that the shot right before the DJ hit on me or when your drunk brother-in-law demanded the DJ play "White Wedding?" Wow, your second marriage did a lot of good for my ego. Remeber that guy Jim? What happened to him?
I instead will post this photo, a tribute to her never-ending ability to buy the perfect gift. Even if it's just a talking Scooby card that my son played Over. And over. And over. I could kill her for it, but I love her for making such a hit with him. And here's her response to that statement:
"Of course he loved it. Lord knows you wouldn't spend the 4 bucks on it. Someone has to. Dee Dee will buy his love!"
And let's not forget...
"Oh... Stink. Look how cute he is. But why is his shirt untucked? And why is his face so chapped? And go empty the trash! But seriously, Arfie (that's my name - no joke) you're such a good mom. Joy to the World! La Chaiem!"
Who's your Dee Dee? You know you have one.
More of my writing can be found on Babycenter.com. I write under the name Andrea Frazer and can be found here. Look for me at GoodHousekeeping.com in mid January.