Saturday, February 16, 2008

You've Got Hate Mail

Today was the best day ever! I got my first, bonified, "you suck as a mother" comment at my BabyCenter gig. If only I could get 100 more, on a daily basis, then maybe, just maybe, I could get a following like Dooce and buy a huge home in Utah. I'd settle for a cute bungalow in the Hollywood Hills, but you get the point.

I had written an article on why I don't do attachment parenting. I'm just not into sling wearing, co-sleeping or breastfeeding. Not saying it's wrong - seriously, it's fine for some - it just isn't for me. I said as much in this article called detachment parenting.

Here's the response that made my day:

"It’s sad to see that someone who is so selfish and uninformed can write for a parenting website. There are many, many studies to show what she’s done is, if not harmful, then at least not as good as what she’s making fun of. “Attachment Parenting” is a label, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. Breastfeeding, cosleeping, carrying your baby, etc. are all the natural norms of child rearing. The kind of parenting the author brags about is unnatural. I highly recommend the book “Our Babies, Ourselves” by Meredith Small to anyone who is truly interested in what constitutes normal, natural baby care. If the author would like to continue to experiment on her children with unnatural care, then I wish her the best of luck."

Oh, man... people make me laugh laugh laugh. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to abuse my children. You know, make them nap. By themselves. In their warm bedrooms. With their clean sippy cups and fresh milk as opposed to my period stained sheets and 38 year old dried up nipples.

PS: Happy Valentines Day! These flowers were from Rex. I was actually surprised, as he'd already given me a huge Hershey's Kiss that morning. Speaking of nipples... have you ever tried eating one of those huge solid chocolate kisses? They're the size of Dolly Parton's left boob. Delicious! (The chocolate, not the mammory...)

More of my writing can be found on Goodhousekeeping
& Babycenter. I write under the name Andrea Frazer. Drop me a note! I’d love it! Or don’t.


Jenster said...

I may not be a child psychologist or expert in any way, but I've had nearly 16 years of parenting experience, making me a whole lot more knowledgeable than the woman who left that ridiculous comment. My children always slept in their own beds (with a few possible "sicky" exceptions); were breastfed for very short periods because my milk had no cream and the poor babies were starving; hiked in a "back pack", but never did the sling thing; and they are both very well adjusted, happy, secure, independent, FREAKIN' AWESOME teenagers!

Man, she really ticked me off. May you receive many similar comments in your very near future.

Hey! Speaking of nipples, I'm getting mine tattooed (breast reconstruction, not just for fun) in another week or so. I was thinking Celtic knots, but my husband likes the idea of targets. What do you think??

Monnik said...

Wow! She must've had a really bad day. (Probably cuz she hasn't had a good night's sleep in ages and her back hurts from carting around a kid in a sling...)


Maggie said...

I saw that horrible comment. How judgemental can a person get?

Personally we're big believers in certain parts of 'detachment' parenting. We really feel that children should learn to sleep on their own and in their own beds. And guess what? My kids slept through the night almost from the beginning (not my oldest son whom I let sleep in my bed when I was young and unsure of myself). We also feel that for us as an adult married couple, should keep our bed for each other. Its a place we reserve for ourselves to nurture our relationship because parenting in the early years especially can be a strain. That said, the kids are allowed to come in the mornings and snuggle of course.
I don't think attachment parenting is bad, but I think people need to learn to make their own choices without feeling they need to push them on others. What a nasty person she was. Claiming you were 'experimenting' on your kids and harming them. Pshaw!
I've seen plenty of evidence of how happy and loved your children are. And psst, mine are too!
Can you imagine me with the twins trying to sling them around everywhere? I just couldn't. But I held and touched my kids a lot and played and loved them every chance I got and still do. That's what really counts.

TroyBoy said...

My wife (who is NOT Hilda, by the way) is a slinger. Or at least she is with our 4 month old...she never thought of it with our 1st one..and she swears by it. Our baby was also a cosleeper up until two nights ago when he graduated to his own bedroom. And wifey will be the first to admit that she did out of pure laziness.

All I have to say each his own, err, her own, to each her own.

His Girl said...

man. i just wrote a big long RANT about this but it got eaten by blogger. so now you get the cliff notes.

a)I love dooce. I love you. OF COURSE YOU ARE A FAN TOO! You totally remind me of her!

b)that lady is a major league nastipants. I wrote lots of brilliant things, but in short, she is dumb.

c)I didn't get to say this, but you killed me with your Anne of Green Gamblers comment. You? are seriously all things funny. OH! what a hoot we would have at the wedding!

Gretchen said...

I'm sorry...did I miss the part where someone held a gun to that woman's head and made her read your post? Are we not allowed to have opinions anymore? Is this America? Hmmm...Pretty scary if there's only ONE way to raise a child well. Let's check in with her in 20 years. I wish her well.

sort of. but not really.

Because I'm feeling shallow right now, and since it's a natural feeling and all, I'm giving in to it.

Steph said...

My children are RUINED! (Sob!)

Wow. Who let out the grumpy people? Maybe they're just tired and haven't been getting enough quality sleep. You seem to have a wonderfully thick skin! Where can I get me one of those? :)

freefalling said...

Very cool.

God's Guitar Girl said...

OMG! I laughed so hard my two-time post-partum bladder almost burst!!! Then I read some of the comments and did it all over again!!! Too funny... I had to ditch BabyCenter after my first was born; buncha crazies! I will definitely keep an eye out for you...

Susie Q said...

Oh are a bad mommy. Right. And this broad's kids will grow up all sweetness and light with HUGE Mommy issues. If YOU are a bad Mommy than Heaven help all of us.
Unnatural? I'll un-natural her.
Sheesh. Who peed in her Cornflakes?
probably her very attached at the breast kid. Can you tell I am peeved?

It takes all kinds doesn't it sweetie?

(Who will get this little gift in the mail to you on Tuesday!)

Pam said...

The thing I hate about these instruction books is that they treat us like sheep. Bring on the moms who rise to each occasion with inventiveness and humor. That would be you, my dear, you rock! As for that lady, pffftttt!

Jessica said...

I think the fact that you have "haters" means that you have arrived, congrats! It must be really hard to have someone berate you for the work you hold dearest in the world - raising your kids.

You sound like a WONDERFUL mother, just as you are a wonderful writer.

I love this blog and your pieces for Good Housekeeping and they make me want to be a better mom and help me to laugh at myself. Thank you.

Jean said...

Guys, it continues over there! The extremists have not stopped. I was curious and glad to have checked that they are still at it (albeit at a slower pace) cause it gave me a huge laugh. WOW!
Do not let the buzzards get you down!

mel said...

Fun post! Mine were left in "baby jail" (pack n' play) more times than I can count -- were breastfed but not on demand -- and are five of the most awesome, well adusted kids I know.

You go girl.

Alana said...

Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I liked your article. I'm similar in my parenting and I think if Moms could just figure out that we are not all the same and THAT IS OKAY we'd all be a lot happier. I agree that a happy Mom is a good Mom. Very true.

So nice to meet you. Love your blog title.

Dapoppins said...

kay, I know that there was hate mail in there, but I am laughing at "dried up nipples" and " There the size of Dolly Parton's left boob"

Only a confident, creative woman can mention boobs twice in a post and still manage to keep them scooped into her bra! If I had a poka-dot-bra award, I'd give it to you!

PS I think your paid writing is great! It is funny, it has parental "I'm-living-this-too perspective" and apparently, it is controversial.


Megan said...

Oh Andrea, you make me laugh so hard. This is Megan, and I have left comments on your Babycenter blog lately. (Although there is another Megan there too, so I guess you don't know which one this is). I loved how you ended this blog entry about Hershey's kisses and Dolly Parton's boob!

A Fan said...

You rock.

I read your post on detachment parenting at BabyCenter. I think you sound so well adjusted. Your kids are probably really great as a result of it.

All of my friends are into attachment parenting, and I was really attacked when I decided to stop breastfeeding at 2 months and for my decision for baby to sleep in his crib. Yet my baby started sleeping through the night at a little over 2 months. Now at 3 months, he sleeps from 8pm-7am consistently. My husband and I are not sleep deprived like my attachment parenting friends whose 1 and 2 year old babies STILL don't sleep through the night- partly because they are STILL breastfeeding on demand. But because baby sleeps in his crib, my husband and I can be loving, happy parents and cuddle baby all day long. And because I introduced the bottle, baby has bonded with daddy and both grandmoms. He is very healthy and happy, and I am so sick of listening to the attachment parenting lectures about how I'm less of a mother for not co-sleeping and breastfeeding baby on demand for a full year. I think those moms are so judgmental and grumpy in their comments to you on BabyCenter because they are sleep-deprived and probably in sexless marriages due to all their co-sleeping. They need to be mean to you in order to feel better about their decisions.

Anyhow...I LOVE your writing. Thanks for being the voice of sanity at BabyCenter. You are an inspiration.

Mama P said...

a fan - Thank you! I swear you did the best thing possible with your baby. And yeah, I'm fine with attachment parenting, but not okay with being told my way is wrong. Funny thing is, I fit the definition of ap parenting due to my interaction and constant affection toward my kids. Just not on sleep! Thank you so much for your sweet note. I appreciate it. And congrats on the baby!