Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Greetings from the Crotch Queen

So I stole my title from fellow BabyCenter writer and friend Kim Moldofsky who attended Camp Baby earlier this year. Hosted by Johnson and Johnson as a vehicle to show blogging moms their products, she apparently came home with a ginormous load of freebies, including a life time supply of K-Y jelly. Word on the street is I'll be getting some, too. I have never used it, but I will attest to this: Sex lubricant is one item I won't buy used.

Speaking of sex, my Good Housekeeping blog occasionally gets comments from people other than perverts, teenagers and mad men whose wives kicked them on the street for their porn and fast food habits. One commenter in particular was Diana Jerome who sells products for an internet toy company. Ahemmmm...
She asked if I was interested in buying some of her products. I told her if she wanted to send me some free samples I was indeed interested. Cut to one week later - this is what I got today!

As I cracked open my pistachios and drank my coffee, I went through the box. Rex drank his glass of milk while perusing the catalog. It had everything from racy to very mild, like the cream pictured: X-Scream. I immediately opened it up, applied it to my lips, and then looked at Rex, who laughed:

* "Oh my God! That is why they do animal testing. For bozos like you who just try stuff without bothering to read if it's even for your lips in the first place. They're exploding! Oh no!"

He's upstairs now. I hear the shower running. Too bad my products are down here! Ha ha ha!

Anyway, thanks Diana.

** If any of you want to reach her, you can here or email her at diana.jerome@slumberparties.com

Asterik translations:

* No, neither of us believe in animal testing. Relax. It was a joke! (Nor do I believe in some of the animal prints in the catalog. Matching Tarzan outfits? Sorry Diana. No Rexs of the jungle at mi casa! But the other stuff was intriguing.)

** Yes, I just did a blatant plug for someone's business. Why? #1. I got free stuff. #2. I like Diana. I don't know her. But I like her. And #3. Good for her for leaving me a comment and following up. Why don't more of us women put our necks out there? If we don't ask, we don't get.

So there. All done! Now go to her website! Or not. As for me, I'm going to bed with my new Basic Instinct pheromone mate attractor. I think if I rubbed beer on myself and played Star Trek theme music, that might work, too.
More of my writing can be found on Goodhousekeeping
& Babycenter. I write under the name Andrea Frazer. Drop me a note! I’d love it! Or don’t.


Kim Moldofsky said...

Thanks for the shout-out. I'll gladly share my title and crown with you ;-)

Monnik said...

Ha - I think Rex is funny... You put it on your lips without checking to see what it was. Good stuff!

I have a friend at work who sells slumber parties stuff. She pimps it a bunch, which is kind of weird since we work for a giant bank and our office is a bit conservative.

Sing4joy said...

I have now lost all concentration because I keep getting lost in thoughts of what on earth that yellow ball with the strap could be for. Is it for fishing??

liv said...

hi, i came to your blog following the google search: pheromone mate attractor.

you're a goober.

Ashley said...

I'm with sing4joy - you have to explain what on earth the yellow ball is for. Oh, and to go along with your story of putting Xwhatever on your lips...when I was in high school I got a yeast infection, and my mom said she had a tube of something in her medicine cabinet that would provide relief. So I went rummaging around and found some K-Y, and since it was in a tube I assumed it was the stuff she was talking about, so I used it. FYI - K-Y does nothing to relieve yeast infections.

TroyBoy said...

Too funny. I needed that. Thanks!

Valerie said...

need some Brown Betty to go with them?

Susie Q said...

Okay, this is the stuff I have missed! I want you to know I am supposed to limit my computer time because of an eye irritation,,and I am choosing to risk it all on you because I needed a laugh! And, oh wow, a laugh is just what I got!

Question is, are you going to horde all those toys or pass the around so all of us can share in the bounty!?


I actually bought my son hair gel with pheromones in it. Really. I did not see that until after. It is supposed to keep his hair in place while attracting member of the opposite sex.

I LOVED talking to you. And oh how Stink made this old heart melt.
Maybe next time Pip will speak! I think she was just angry
cause I was the lady makin' her late for the library!


Dapoppins said...

I have been married eleven years.

You need to provide a detailed review for all that stuff...