Greetings from the Crotch Queen

So I stole my title from fellow BabyCenter writer and friend Kim Moldofsky who attended Camp Baby earlier this year. Hosted by Johnson and Johnson as a vehicle to show blogging moms their products, she apparently came home with a ginormous load of freebies, including a life time supply of K-Y jelly. Word on the street is I'll be getting some, too. I have never used it, but I will attest to this: Sex lubricant is one item I won't buy used.

Speaking of sex, my Good Housekeeping blog occasionally gets comments from people other than perverts, teenagers and mad men whose wives kicked them on the street for their porn and fast food habits. One commenter in particular was Diana Jerome who sells products for an internet toy company. Ahemmmm...

She asked if I was interested in buying some of her products. I told her if she wanted to send me some free samples I was indeed interested. Cut to one week later - this is what I got today!

As I cracked open my pistachios and drank my coffee, I went through the box. Rex drank his glass of milk while perusing the catalog. It had everything from racy to very mild, like the cream pictured: X-Scream. I immediately opened it up, applied it to my lips, and then looked at Rex, who laughed:

* "Oh my God! That is why they do animal testing. For bozos like you who just try stuff without bothering to read if it's even for your lips in the first place. They're exploding! Oh no!"

He's upstairs now. I hear the shower running. Too bad my products are down here! Ha ha ha!

Anyway, thanks Diana.

** If any of you want to reach her, you can here or email her at diana.jerome@slumberparties.com

Asterik translations:

* No, neither of us believe in animal testing. Relax. It was a joke! (Nor do I believe in some of the animal prints in the catalog. Matching Tarzan outfits? Sorry Diana. No Rexs of the jungle at mi casa! But the other stuff was intriguing.)

** Yes, I just did a blatant plug for someone's business. Why? #1. I got free stuff. #2. I like Diana. I don't know her. But I like her. And #3. Good for her for leaving me a comment and following up. Why don't more of us women put our necks out there? If we don't ask, we don't get.

So there. All done! Now go to her website! Or not. As for me, I'm going to bed with my new Basic Instinct pheromone mate attractor. I think if I rubbed beer on myself and played Star Trek theme music, that might work, too.

More of my writing can be found on Goodhousekeeping
& Babycenter. I write under the name Andrea Frazer. Drop me a note! I’d love it! Or don’t.