Sunday, December 30, 2007

It's Ele-Fuck-Em!

Okay, the game is called Elefanten. But my kids call it Fluff a Lump. And based on how crappy it's made, I call it Ele-Fuck-Em.

I know this is vulgar. My New Year's resolution is not to curse. I have a BS in English, for fxx's sake. But I'm also fed up with the BS of these toys that charge us out the wazoo and don't work.

Lucky for me, not even the toy industry can get me down. Why? Because here's my 2008 attitude: Be happy for what I have, not what I don't.

And so, while I don't have a husband who buys me diamond earrings for Christmas, he's the master of toy building and all things electronic. Who got to go to church - alone - this morning while Star Trek Captain Rex ruled the savage alien toddlers? Me.
And then, just to be a comlete geek and hero, he saves the day again. Check out the photo: the fan in the Fuck-E-Lump didn't blow the cheap pieces of ca-ca butterflies out the shoot fast enough for the ADD video game move move it move it faster faaaaster FAAAAAAAASTER generation known as our children. So what does he do? Take it to the garage, open it up, re-wire a few parts, add a charger that plugs into the wall (as opposed to batteries that die) and Voila! What we have, my friends, is one ninja-fighting-butterfly-blowing-windtunnel of an elephant.

If only I could find the positive side to my triple layer mama belly. Winter warmth? I'm still working on that one....
More of my writing can be found on I write under the name Andrea Frazer and can be found in the Momformation Section.


JaniceNW said...

One thing I've noticed, people who weigh a bit more look much younger than skinny peeps. Also have a little weight keeps my books nice and large and NOT saggy limp blobs.

Everything has an upside!

My SIL is a member of the writer's guild, are you on strike with the writers? I'm being nosy. ;)

Gretchen said...

I will see your triple.layer.mama.belly and raise it a quadruple layer. You being content with what we have *sigh* perhaps we could be glad we're not starving? Does that work? At any rate, I'm bringing zafig back, baby!

Oh, and btw, agree completely with the game comments.

ms chica said...

Are you sure he didn't steal the guts from your hairdryer and perform a transplant.

Happy Holidays, Mama P. I'm catching up on my reading.

His Girl said...

alright, mama p.- I'm totally happy to hear that you are resolving to clean up your language... but i have to confess that stupid elefun game had made ME say some pretty choice words in the past. oh! it got my kids all riled up and screaming and stupid! AND it was from my childless sister-in-law.


guess who couldn't be happier to hear elefreak is still on the market???? *hehehe*

liv said...

dude. we loves us some Elefun at our house. and haven't had a problem with ours. although i do get sort of holding up the trunk for extended periods of time. (wow that last sentence sort of sounded sexual. is it just me?)

Em said...

A degree in english should not stop you from using all the colorful words in the language. In fact, it should just give you the knowledge to use each and every one of them more creatively!

And don't worry about the belly. Mama bellies are just soft and snuggly.

Monnik said...

I'm with you on the mama belly. And the swearing. My degree is in speech communication, so you'd think I'd know how to talk without dropping F-bombs, but I still struggle with it. It's all good!


Valerie said...

hmmm...i wish i could blame my winter coat on kids. no such luck.

and even though we don't have young'uns, i agree with the el crapo way toys are manufacturered these days...totally el sucko.

happy zoloft 08!

meno said...

What? No swearing? Whyever the hell not?

I won't even try to make that promise.

Cheers to you!

hamiam said...

Crappy toys unite - my mom got my son this "I can play guitar" thing that is a Guitar Hero knockoff for little kids - and it sucks weenies and drives parents and children alike batshitty. Ooops, lol, guess what mutual resolution I have with you? Heeheehee....

Barrie said...

Very funny post! And I look forward to reading how you find the positive side to life in 2008! Happy New Year!

Maggie said...

Liv - definitely sexual.

Mama P, Happy New Year my mom in the trenches buddy.