The Perfect Man

Someone sent me an email a while back with the subject line: “The Perfect Man”. It went on to say that the perfect man will:
1) Mow your lawn
2) Scratch your back after a long day
3) Feed the kids without asking
4) Take you on surprise cruises
5) Listen to your problems
6) Be a star in the bedroom
7) …and not mind that you have these other six boyfriends

The point? No one person has it all. This leads me to think about James – not whether he is Mr. Everything – but the fact that he’s currently on a business trip in Utah where polygamy is sometimes practiced. I can’t help but wonder if there’s any merit to multiple spouses. The idea that you can get from one person what you’re lacking in another sounds half way reasonable. Then again, this theory doesn’t apply to women since in Utah, men can have more wives, but women have to sit around pumping out kids and pretend to like each other and wear bad clothing. Does it seem fair that these men get all the fun? And forgetting about fairness, does that seem logical? Men can’t multi-task. They can’t remember one birthday, let alone eight. And women are more complicated. Shouldn’t they be the ones to have one man to mow their lawn, scratch their back after a long day, feed the kids without asking…? You see the list.

All in all, I have to admit I’m a monogamous kind of girl. I know marriage isn’t perfect, but I like the idea that I have one person to worry about, to love, to bitch to, to bitch at, and to hang with at the end of the day. James, if you’re reading this, I accept the fact that you don’t have all six qualities above, but I congratulate you on marrying someone that does have them. You are blessed. (And a good sport.) Happy five year anniversary. (A few weeks early. Hint hint. Not that I neeeeed you to remember or anything, because that's just snivelly insecure wife talk. I'm confident enough in who I am that I don't need a pair of diamond studs, which you can get for under a hundred bucks at Target, to show that you love me.)

(* Pictured: My thick skinned husband with Sophia in May)