I feel peaceful right now. And grounded. For me, this is downright remarkable. I'm a restless spirit by nature, so to quote my third country song of this blog, Trisha Yearwood describes me best: "If you see dark skies, in these green eyes, it's just that I can't find no cover.... these ghosts that haunt me, they get me when they want me... and some days are better than others." She forgot the last line "And for the other times... there's Zoloft." But today can't be attriubuted to anti-anxiety meds. I'm on a pretty low dosage (which is what everyone on anti-anxiety drugs likes to say, but it's true). Once I told my doc "increase the dosage so I'm not as wacky... maybe with less spirit I'd be more content, which would mean I'm happier at home, which could lead to floors without dog hair and food without charcoal..." and he actually looked at me, laughed and said "Why would I do that? Your personality is what makes you you. I'll give you enough so you don't have a panic attack in a McDonald's play area, but not so much that when you come to visit me once a year you don't make me laugh." Fair enough.
Lucky for me, and to quote Trisha, today was better than others. I have to wonder why. It's not like this Sunday was different than any other. I slept in while James and the kids made a ruckus downstairs. I hurried through a shower, got dressed, wrestled the kids into the car, and made it through half a mass before resorting to the outdoor play yard. Then I saw a movie with James and went to dinner without the kids.
Back up. Four hours of unterrupted blissful adult time. Ya think that had anything to do with it?
I hate to say that spending money makes someone a happy camper. As many of my readers know, I pride myself on thrift stores, coupon cutting, and being a generally cheap mom who still manages to slide by in style and keep my kids from looking like Dick or Spam. But after spending a decadent 20.00 on movie tickets (well, 10... to be honest, I had a 10 buck gift card), 12.00 on popcorn and drinks (ice tea for me... I'm on 3 weeks without a Diet Coke), 40.00 on dinner and a cappucino, and 40.00 on a babysitter, I felt downright giddy. And refreshed. And to give a plug, "The 40 Year Old Virgin" was super funny.
James and I need to date more often. It's money well spent. So I don't have a maid. Or James doesn't have a gardener. But after four hours alone, we have peace of mind, and that's a good thing. Plus we managed to not only spend time together, we enjoyed it. Anyone who knows us is keenly aware that James and I are pretty different people. If I want a love movie, he wants sci fi. If I want burgers, he wants Indian. If I want Nordstroms, he wants Loews. But like a squeaky wheel, we have been greasing our marriage for five years now, and we're just at the point where we know how much time he needs to spend rolling in one direction, me in another, and where we like to roll together. We argue here and there, but he's the ying to my yang and I'm grateful to have him in my life. We made a committment to walk together, go out to eat together, work on the house together and watch more movies together. James even rented one just for me tonight: "Prozac Nation". Who says he isn't romantic?