Inspired by my last rendition of Rudolph, I will be rewording one Christmas song per day to get me through the holiday madness. Think of them like Mama P's little Advent calendar - emphasis on the vent. Call me Weird Al Yank a Bitch... As in I could have yanked this bitch right off the register at Old Navy today and thrown her straight into their signature car and pushed it into the LA river.
After buying 215.00 worth of Old Navy clothes last week, including a fateful sweater set and pants for Nick, it turns out that after one wash the 2T cable knit, like my career, came unraveled at the seams. Then Nick's grey sweats developed a hole in the crotch. I haven't seen this much material openings in inappropriate places since Chrisitina Aguilera's last video. And since these threads aren't making me millions, I figured I would return them.
Okay, I admit, I had no receipt. But lucky Patron Saint of Shopping... the cashier said she could credit the card I bought them on. Perfect! Nick and Sophie were in the car with Grandma, I hadn't waited in line... what a lovely ending to a day of errands with the munchins. Insert game show buzzer: IRRRRRRNNNN! After telling me I would be credited 107.00, they said the register wouldn't validate the card because it says I didn't use it at that store. Bull! I don't ever use my credit cards, so I knew for a fact this was the only one (my Atm card got sat on one too many times, so I was using credit simply as a means of funding until the new one arrived.)
After holding up the line and enduring one too many incriminating looks by other shoppers (and I can't blame them... this was taking waay too long) I finally agreed to take a store credit, but not without telling the manager (a pretty Asian version of Madonna resplete with punk hair, headset and attitude) that "I'll take it your store credit, but your store sells crap. You hear me, Old Navy crap crap crap! Your commercials make everyone feel bad for not looking like a robot and your clothes are, let me remind you again, CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"
I got home and immediately checked my MBNA statement. Guess what? 215.00 cleared well over a week ago. On my MBNA. The same card that never was used at Old Navy. Hmmm.
I am so angry.
But my mom made a good point. She said cancel the transaction with MBNA so they don't pay Old Navy. Hmmmm. What if I got my 107.00 credit in the mail still? Then everything would be paid for! But that's not very Christian, is it. But technically, I'm a waffling Catholic, so maybe until I get my Vatican papers, it's okay. Or perhaps I will just go to confession and pay off a saint?
Who knows. Let's all turn to happier thoughts, like verse.
Everyone! Sing along to "Santa Clause is Coming to Town"!
Mama P's making a list
She's checking it twice
And now her warm heart is turning to ice
(Cause) Oooool Navy Suuuucks... cow balls
The sweatpants had rips
The sweaters were crap
And the 12 long jeans sent too much air in her crack
(Yep) Ooooold Navy Suucks... cow balls
She's sick of all their dumb ads
Of anorexic freaks
Who look great in their lame clothing
But they're way too scared to eat, SO!
You better watch out
Go ahead - cry
Mama P's looking you straight in the eye
Ooooold Naaavy Sucks... Cowballs