In liue of songs, as I'm about to collapse from cooking, cleaning, wrapping and general Xmas preparation-ness (is that a word?) I'd like to wish everyone a safe and happy Xmas. I'm about to spend it at Stella's mobile home. I am sure to have loads of stories, so I expect some from you.

I wish everyone joy, love, peace, happiness, and of course, a maid.

And though I know I joke about being a waffling Catholic, I'm actually going to say it: God bless you. We all have so much to be grateful for. And if you don't think you do, then stop being so self defeating and do something about it: write a book, read a book, join a group, join a gym, join AA, start drinking, buy a house, sell a house, rent your house, rent a houseboat, take a class.

Or just at home and feel sorry for yourselves. But come on people, it's a new year. Who the hell knows why we're all here, but I have to think it's to be good to everyone and make our mark the best way we can.

Okay, I was supposed to stop at God bless you. Too bad.