This holiday season, my son has discovered the joys of farting. I was talking to Texas Lizzy, and apparently this is nothing new in the toddler arena. In her household (a beautiful ranch erected just to irritate overpriced LA box dwellers like me) farting is known as 'tooting' and consistently causes Toddler J to erupt in giggles.
Last night, after Nick could not stop cracking up (pun intended) at his "smelly butt noises" we had the official talk.
Me: Can we fart loudly at home?
Nick: Yeeessssss.
Me: What about at school?
Nick: Yeeeeeeeees.
Me: Nooooooooooo. We save our farts for home only.
Nick: Ooooh, Mama lets me fart from my butt?
Me: Yes. That's it.
Nick: Papa lets me fart from my butt, too.
Me: That's right. Papa can be very juvenile, and nothing makes him laugh harder than a good ripper.
Nick: Yes, a ripper! I can rip for Papa! And Mama! But not for church. Jesus doesn't like farts.
Me: That's right. No farting for Jesus.
Nick: It's Jesus birthday at Xmas!
Me: Yes! Very good! It's his birthday. (I am thrilled for the spiritual segway)
Nick: Even though it's Jesus birthday, I get the gifts.
Me: That's right. Jesus is a good man. He shares.
Silence, then....
Nick: I like Jesus. He shares his presents. And after I open them, I can fart. Cause I open them at home and I can fart at home!
I give up.
On that note, let's sing along to Jingle Bells, shall we?
Chorus
Jingle smells
Jingle smells
Nick's discovered farts
For loads of fun just pull his thumb
And warm his little heart (Tooot!)
Jingle smells
Jingle smells
Toddlers love the noise
Forget tv and coloring
It's farts for girls and boys
Bridge
Last night after our prayers
When everything was calm
I thought at first he made
A tiny little yawn
But then I heard a laugh
And something like a bell
It turned out to be gas gas gas
And how he loved the smell, Oh!
Chorus
Jingle smell
Jingle smell
Stinkies all the way
Yes this song is juvenile
My son likes it that way (Hey!)
Big Finish
Jingle Smell
Jingle Smell
Tooting all the way
Let's hope Santa brings our son
Some Beano on his sleigh
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