Saturday, July 28, 2007

I am Cranky

For those of you familiar with Thomas the Tank Engine, you will understand that all of us are different characters, depending on our day. Sometimes I'm Thomas: cheeky, spirited, full of optimism and damn that crack in the track, I'm going to chug chug chug my way through rain, sleet and kids pissing on my geraniums.

Some days I'm the Troublesome Trucks: A Puck-like demon ready to trip you for a laugh. Hey, Rex, you wanted Crest Regular and I bought you Aquafresh Mint to save 3cents! Ha! That's what we Troublesome Trucks do!

Some days I'm Percy: Strong, proud and fast. You need to drop your kids off despite two of them having pink eye, one having the personality of an Ashley twin and one with the look of a possessed possum on crack? I can handle it. Why? Because I'm Percy. That's why.

Some days I'm Claribel: Graceful, sheerful, and totally content in my woman's work. You need a nice ride around Ventura Blvd.? A fresh pie? Perhaps some soothing music in Mama P's SUV freight car while I point out the scenery along our San Fernando Valley Drive? "That's the McDonalds where the kids spent a half hour playing with the air dryer. How's that for a stimulation toy, and it's free!" ... "Oh, that's the number one strip joint in town. Stink still thinks it's name, 'The Wet Spot' is home to a GINORMOUS SLIP N' SLIDE!"

Today, I'm Cranky: Neither train nor truck, I'm simply one tall, mean crane. I've got a growl and nasty hook in me, so don't look at me wrong cuz I'll pick you up and do the meanest thing a Mama P Crank can think of: Drop you off at the nearest strip mall during this 101 degree heat wave and take off, leaving you alone with over sized sunglass waifs and teenage boys with plumber crack deeper than Nicole Richie's frown lines. Don't put it past me.

Man I'm cranky.


Dapoppins said...

Man, that is one cranky woman. Watch out! I usually feel more like cheeky Thomas that worker Percy....

you inspire me to new heights sarcasm.

liv said...

Do I KNOW the Thomas gang??!? She who has been to 4 freakin' states to see him in person?? Ya think?? Cranky doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm the fat controller, bitch, and don't forget it!

hamiam said...

But you're even funnier when you're cranky, it would seem...who'd have thunk it?

I do the toothpaste switcheroo too, lol. Funny.

(hugs) Hopefully the heat will die out - it just did here - soon and all other crank contributers with go away.

Pam said...

You may be cranky, Mama P., but you do it well and with humor. I'm impressed. I can relate, I came close to running my husband over with the Batchair a few nights ago.

Susie Q said...

D'ya see?? This is why you make me cry and laugh at the same time! My nephew adores Thomas and all things Thomas so I sooo appreciate this. I needed a good laugh this morning...still. Can't help but feel guilty that I am laughing at your cranky expense. Still, laugh I AM!

Plumber cracks and Nicole Ritchie in one sentence. You are amazing.


Mama P said...

Dapoppins - I'm glad I can inspire you to new heights. I'm 6'1 and a crane - that's what I do.

Liv - So you really did go on a 4 state Thomas run? Please explain.

Ham - I don't think my husband finds me so funny during this stage. Can you please convince him otherwise?

Pam - You ran him over with a Batchair? Holy buckets, Batgirl!

Susie Q - Wow, that's quite the age difference in your kids. I didn't know you had two. I will have to read up on you more. I find families so fascinating.

Betty Jo said...

You are such a good writer. You make cranky seem humorous! Thanks so much for popping by my blog and leaving a super comment. Yep, it's true. I would spend everyday with my hubby if I could, and that's after 39 years of marriage. Quite a feat, huh!? Now I'm off to explore your blog further. So nice meeting you. xoxo

Gretchen said...

C'mon...Cranky Crane...just inhale the effervescence of a newly cracked Diet Coke, and breathe all the nasties out...In with Claribel, out with Cranky Train. Go to your happy train station place and

With love,
Harold the Helicopter (swooping in to make your day fresher and brighter). Are you gagging, yet? Hang in there, MamaP.

liv said...

Seriously, we've seen him in Chattanooga, TN the spring before Peep was born. Then there was in NC late summer before Peep. Then there was Golden, CO for D's 4th bday trip. Then Cordele, GA, well, bec. it's close. Do you need photographic evidence too?

Mama P said...

Betty Jo - As Thomas might say, "Tanks" for the writing compliment.

Gretchen - I am going to come over to your Christian loving ass and beat on it.

Liv - Not only do I need photographic evidence of you seeing Thomas in FOUR states, but I need a semen sample (just to be cheeky.)

Princess in Galoshes said...

Uhg. I am having a cranky day, too. Soooo wish you lived around here so we could open a large box (yeah, I said box) of wine and laugh at the kids who 'roll 'round this here hood looking as gangasta as possible in their Nordstrom clothing.

Gretchen said...

Beat away, Chicka. :) I might like it!