Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Diets, Dye Its, Slowly Dying
The guilt over going non-processed, no refined sugar, and wheat free has finally forced me to crack. It's only Monday and tonight I was propelled into the abyss of the unthinkable: Driving at mad-cap speed to our local Target, instructing that my children pick out a toy from the dollar section only to emerge, breathless, with 30.00 worth of "rewards" for going along with the program.
My self-imposed "Elimination Diet" is akin to the Bourne Identity for Toddlers. Should my subjects choose to accept their mission, tics, hyperactivity and general focus mirroring a see-saw on crack might be eliminated.
Then again, given the general of this invasion (that would be me... are you with me, people?) has no idea about the territory she is invading, my subjects might just be eating gluten free, sugar free, tastes like the recycled tree paper used for Barack Obama's campaign signs (but hey, no chemicals) - for a big fat NADA.
Well, it's not for nothing. They'll have a new Dora toy and Hot Wheels racer to fight over while I'm jonesing for additives, having gone bust on organics and living with only a guilty conscious for shopping retail for items probably made in China and ultimately the real source of my family's allergies.
Woooheeeee! Who has some good recipes for me? If they look appetizing, I don't want 'em. Like my background as a tv writer, shiny photos shall only prove to be a set up for failure. I need reality, wrapped up in brown, mustard and phlegm green. I am Mama P, Earth Mama. I pee in recycled toilet paper and drink Hansens soda. Not necessarily in that order.
Kill me now.
But don't bury me.
Ground me up into compost so that I can grow organic marijuana for all those other poor bastards who are going broke figuring out exactly which item in this cornucopia of toxic crap our country is serving our kids in bright! and shiny! packaging is making them tic.