Saturday, August 11, 2007

A Real Fantasy

I've had a super busy week that resulted in some very happy news, but the most thrilling nugget of all? Alert the media, I had a sex dream!

I'm not one of those yappy women who oooogle over Calvin Klein underwear models, hunky UPS workers, or movie stars. Even last night, while watching The Bourne Identity and all of Matt Damon's six pack charm, all I could think about was "Oooh, yeeeeess... the popcorn and kid-less noise. I'm all wet. With Diet Coke - a super size jug that cost me $7.00 and I'm not even complaining. It's that good."

But a few nights back I had a dream about a real man. He was blonde and young. So was I. Not blonde. Young. Well, younger. (I'm 37 now. I'm hardly Betty White ready to break a hip after she trips on a shelter bound poodle named Calcium Supplment on the way to her tenth Depends commercial shoot.) That raw emotion of a first crush ran rampant through my twilite state. My romeo - tall, lanky and sweet, thought I was just fantastic. I wasn't about to throw him out of bed for eating Twin Dragon Almond Cookies either. Before my good Christian women following hit the "delete" key on their Favorite Blogs list, let me say that this fantasy didn't feel seedy, because I wasn't having an affair. I had entered some pre-Rex-vortex where cellulite, house cleaning, post office runs and the words "I'm not in the mood" didn't exist. It felt so exciting and pure all at once.

The climax of the dream came when I left my beloved's bed and found that he had a room full of brand new baby furniture. He said that previous renters had just left it there and I could have it if I wanted. They had twins, so I could keep one set for me, and I could flip one set on Ebay.

I woke up smiling. And then, like any woman who is terrified of a jealous husband, I did just the opposite of hiding and ran directly to Rex to tell him all about my thrilling encounter. He laughed out loud, "You didn't remember you had a husband, but you remembered you had two kids? What did your lover say?"

I suggested Rex watch the kids while I go back to bed and find out the rest of the story.

Needless to say, my lover's opinion of Rex is still a mystery.


amisare waswerebeen said...

Now THAT is a dream I would smile about.

meno said...

I swear, your descriptions are the best. And so are you.

Rachel said...

I havent dreamt in mohths.

I'm kinda jealous. This one sounds fantastic.

Can I borrow your dream catcher?

Susie Q said...

Okay...I am now laughing and hoping this will inspire my sub conscious to
conjure up a good dream for moi.

I could use of those!

Even tho' I am slightly closer to being Betty White than a nubile goddess. But a gal can dream can't she? DREAM! I want a sex dream too!


Gretchen said...

Hey, Lovaaaah...

I don't know what show that was on, but it popped into my mind as I was reading your post. And, I probably would've run and told Big, too, just like you did. In a funny way, they think that's hot.


You have to know it's a fantasy when you can flip stuff on Ebay. :O)

Princess in Galoshes said...

Heh heh.

Go back to bed, woman. You deserve to know the ending! ;-)

hamiam said...

What - he objected to you finding out?? ;-)

I loved (and related to) the "pre Rex vortex" (though it doesn't have the same finesse when I do that with my hubs' name) of your dream state...btdt, many, many times!

liv said...

dear, sweet, Jesus, you are hysterical! why don't we ever get the ending?? honestly, my last sex dream was Kevin Spacey coming "straight fer me" and then it sort of ended. No wisecracks about this, or the tiger is in deep trouble!

Liza's Eyeview said...

I would have prefer Matt Damon to be in my dream if that was my dream :)

Anonymous said...

"You didn't remember you had a husband, but you remembered you had two kids? What did your lover say?"

And this is why REX RULES! ;-)

K to the D