Rex is out of town for a week. With a full schedule ahead of us, I kind of feel like that cover of Home Alone. Cue me, hands around my cheeks, big wide expression, wondering what the hell I'm going to do.
Sometimes I don't feel that way. I'm pretty independent, and have been known to go for up to two weeks without batting an eye. But when your mate goes out of his way to be nice to you - not in the way that he finds is important - but the way that you find important - well... it makes you feel kind of sappy.
Here's the odd thing about marriage: You want to find a man that lets you be you, but if you're too much of you, then you feel like you're missing out on the "we". But if you have too much of the "we" then you're missing out on the part of the "you" that used to radiate and shine that made you, well, you. And so, like with everything, there's... yes, I'll say it again... balance.
I'm kind of scared to write this down, but we've found that recently, and it's been nice. Three weeks ago? Not so much. Funny how life can switch over with a little down time.
On a related note, there's a very interesting article here that talks about settling in marriage. It's called "Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough." I found it through Rachel Sarah's blog - a writing colleague at BabyCenter. While Sarah refuses to settle for the reasons the author, Lori, writes about, I can see where Lori is coming from. In fact, such reasons on my part led to a huge falling out with someone at one point in my life. What I've learned is that this is a very touchy subject - this idea of settling. Because everyone has different reasons for it, and different definitions of it. If settling means not traveling much anymore, and buying a condo instead of a house, or not getting a dog because the dude is allergic to cats, or whatever, then it might not be right for you. If setting means giving that stuff up in return for something else you want more, then that's cool, too.
What gets people into hot water is when two sides of the coin argue for their choice, because it's very difficult to defend one side without incriminating the other.
As for me, I settled for the good things and let go of the others. Sometimes I am frustrated by the constraints of marriage, and other times freer than I've ever been in my life due to a wonderful support system.
As of right this second, I can only be so grateful for the man in my life who has loved me for who I am since the day he met me. He might disagree with my choices on many areas of life, from finances to our views of entertainment, but he never disagrees with who I am as Andrea.
Today he surprised me with a nice note from New York. "I love you and am so happy to be meried to you." A speller he is not, but I love him just the same. And since he is an I.T. manager, not a copy editor, it doesn't really matter. You can bet your sweet ass he can spell every alien on Star Trek though.
What are your views of settling? Is there such a thing?
* Image taken of Rex during our Hawaii trip almost ten years ago. Pre kids, pre marriage, pre his trip to my hairdresser for a unibrow removal - his one job before the wedding. I guess I can't complain he's too anal when he allowed a woman twice his age to pour hot wax on his Italian arches. Ahh, Rex. Miss ya, buddy.