Thursday, March 13, 2008

Two New York Husbands

I watched a brief news show tonight on the Spitzer scandal. In looking for a link, I got sidetracked by all the tee shirts being sold which I won't justify with a promo. Just 24 hours after someone's downfall, another person is making money. If that isn't capitalism at its best, I don't know what is. Not that I can blame anyone in a way... it's just odd.

What I find interesting is that in one building in New York is a husband whose wife can't wait to come home. (That'd be me. Who is freakin' TIRED.) In another building in New York is a man who is locked inside with his wife for fear of being swallowed alive by the media. (Um, for something else being swallowed earlier. Bad joke... I know, but I had to go there. And I'm guessing that she's not exactly writing him love notes right now.)

What I really want to know is: How did this guy think he could get away with it? And more than that? The hookers alone, what about all the money he swindled?

And what I'd like to know even more is what the heck would you do if you found out someone you loved was cheating on you? It's easy to say you'd kick the man to the curb, but say it wasn't a public humiliation. Would you? I know one of my readers as talked very eloquently about surviving an affair. It's not always easy, but she did it.

My first reaction to Rex cheating would be disappointment. Not at the sex so much. But at the fact that after all the things that might irritate me about Rex, trust is something I have never worried about. THAT would be the hardest to get over. Because if he did that to me, then what could I count on in the world? Friends that could move? Family? People that could die? Rex's stability is the one thing that never ever changes, and if he cheated on me, that would rock my world. And my favorite joke would go away. "Rex would never cheat on me... he can't multitask."

What about you? What do you think about cheating? What would bug you the most?

* Photos sent from Rex tonight. In a way, I could kill him. They are such beautiful buildings and I'm not there to see them. I plan on living in a highrise like the one shown some day. And as far as the church, I had to laugh. The closest he's been to one in years is driving past one in a hurry, clicking away from the company car.


Anonymous said...

There is a saying (As a man I take it as a warning) - A man owes his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.

I've seen many men in Eliot Spitzer's position - both before I was a Christian and after. They get money, a slightly easy life and then they forget what is really valuable. David and Bathsheba show us there is more danger in ease and comfort than there is in hardship. I believe the iron of a man's soul and character are forged in the fires of life.

I know my father had an affair (we found the lipstick stained cigarettes in the ash tray of his car) before my parents divorced. I don't want to get into details, but it helped spiral my life out of control while I was in my 20's - almost bring about an early demise. About the only good thing that came from that mess was my ability to see my deep need for a Savior.

If there are any other men reading this forum, let Eliot Spitzer's mistake be a warning to you. You cannot put coals into your lap and not be burned.

I read Mama P's post and I couldn't fathom Rex looking at another woman (and I see him while he's away from his wife). I hope every man wakes up this morning, looks at his wife and realizes what a valuable treasure she really is - more precious than gold or all the riches in the world.

God Bless

The original Geek

Monnik said...

I think you summed up what my issues with cheating would be. I think I'd be just so *surprised*. And heart broken, but the shock is what might send me over the edge. It's just not something I've worried about from my husband, because I've always trusted him in that way.

amisare waswerebeen said...

The trust would definitely be the worst thing lost. I, too, have never had worries about my trust in H. It is one of the only sure things in my life, and to lose that would make me question everything. Well, I have my faith in God, that would probably see me through. But I would say that if that happened, life would forever change.

Gretchen said...

I don't think I can fathom my response. I do think it would be impacted by: a) the number of times--e.g. was it 1 time stupidity for which he's amazingly contrite and willing to do ANYTHING to repair the damaged trust, vs. trading me in for a younger/cuter model/kicking me to the curb, and b) His attitude toward the marriage--if he's not completely invested in counseling, telling me every detail ad nauseum, and giving me exactly what I needed to heal, I'd be out of there. However, I think shock and grief would be my first reactions. Followed by massive amounts of decreased self esteem. I hate to admit that, but it's true.

Jenster said...

When my kids were little I said I would try to work through it for their sake. Now that they're teenagers I don't know if I would.

One of my best friend's husband had very brief affair with another one of our good friends. Talk about a betrayal. But my friend and her husband worked it out and in some aspects their marriage is better now than it was before. Still, there's that matter of trust and feelings she doesn't think she'll ever get past.

TroyBoy said...

As far as the swallowing goes, I am guessing that for 80 grand it would be expected but, if it was refused then his hired help could go by the moniker of "Spitzer's Spitters". Catchy, huh?

And in regards to the serious part of your post. Life is so much bigger than cheating. I am not saying that it is acceptable because it isn't. But if it happens, you either get over it as a couple and become stronger for it, or you don't. No one should expect that it is an easy thing to get over, but it IS possible that, for some couples, getting over it is doable.

meno said...

Of course you know i have some feelings about this. But an affair and prostitutes are not the same thing, other than that both are cheating.

I don't think i could ever forgive my husband for prostitutes, or multiple events of cheating. Once was enough.

ms chica said...

Loss of trust.

God's Guitar Girl said...

Man, I can handle and process my husband passing away at a young age, but I COULD NOT handle infidelity. Like you, Tom was about the only man I never had to worry about cheating on me; otherwise I wouldn't have married him. And unlike 99% of spouses, the sex would be the #1 thing that bothered me, followed closely by the fact that there would likely be emotional intimacy if this happened more than once. Emotional and physical infidelity are the things that would completely destroy me.

While I agree that affairs and prostitute "use" are not the same in technical terms, they both indicate some type of infidelity to me that I don't know I would have to wherewithal to forge through.

Also, to me, by working through it for the sake of my kids, I would feel like I'm sending them a message that the behavior is OK. I know we are called as Christians to forgive; I believe, however, that God is a little more merciful that I would be inclined to be! haha! Seriously, I don't think any of us could accurately predict how we'd handle it until the situation was upon us...

Ashley said...

Wow, what a question. I don't know that I have a real answer as to what I would do if Michael cheated on me, because I know I don't have to think about it. He read "Every Man's Battle" before we got married, which is about how to avoid lust, and so he doesn't even look at Victoria Secret mannequins when we walk past in the mall. One of my favorite parts of our marriage is that I can trust him completely. So, if he did have an affair (or if I had an affair, for that matter) I know our marriage would never be the same. I know we would stay married and get a lot counseling to try and work through it, but there would always be that scar.

sari said...

Once trust is gone, what do you have?

I love the picture of St. Patrick's Cathedral, it was one of the most memorable places for me when i visited New York.

Susie Q said...

Oh NYC...I could so see me living there in a high rise...I doubt it will happen but in my fantasy world...: )
I think that Rex knows perfectly well that he has a rare treasure in you and I do not say that lightly. Many men do not see what is right in front of them until it is too late. I have seen it far too many times.

As for Bill...he was away from home, with the military, many, many times. Trust was all I had. If that was lost, I doubt there could be much of a marriage. A marriage can survive infidelity but it takes massive amounts of work. For me, it would also shatter my already precarious self esteem. Sad but true.

Oh yes, Rex is a looker. He has the best eyes doesn't he? And you dear heart, are the whole fantastic package. He is lucky to have you.


capacious said...

My father left my mother for another woman when I was 12 and she killed herself over the next 7 years with booze.

I married a man who is completely trustworthy, but of course I still have doubts. There is no determining how we will act in a specific situation in our own lives. I just hope I would never drink myself to death in front of my children.

Let that not happen to me. Because I am too smart to say "never."