Monday, January 22, 2007

Mama P, You've Got Some 'Splainin to Do

In an effort keep my children in line, as well as maintain the magic of childhood, I have created quite a nice fantasy life for them. However, the day they learn that I'm full of crap, I'm going to have, as Ricky Ricardo says, quite a bit of 'splainin to do.

Just a few things that are going to kick me in the ass one day:

* Mommy doesn't really have a third eye in the back of her head that watches you all the time. Remember the time I extracted it "from my brain" for you to take to Show N Tell? It was really a plastic ball I stuck under my bed headed ponytail.

* A big fat man does not bring you gifts each year. That's your Mommy, who downed one too many animal cookies in the height of holiday stress.

* Scooby Doo will not ever solve the mystery of the missing purple bottle. I lobbied it into the garbage bin behind Target when you were fixated on a Dora book. Oh, and Scooby isn't real. But many of the ghosts that haunt him will most likely try to get you some day. Fight the good fight.

* You did not really pop out of my tummy. You were pushed through my lower extremities with more gas than our Taco Tuesday extravaganzas.

* I don't really know everything (but don't tell your father.) Speaking of...

* Your papa can't really fix everything. Especially things of the heart. As you get older, you'll realize you are loved, but we have to love ourselves just as much.

* Nemo is not alive in the ocean, but the fish you eat in your tuna sandwich once was.

When they process the concept about how things we don't see often aren't real, they'll inevitably press me for answers on why they're supposed to believe in God.

I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it... the bridge that does not have a troll living under it asking you how to say "Open" in Spanish. FYI: It's "Abre" and "Help me" (because I'm gonna need it) is "Ayuda me!"


Maggie said...

You can always tell a mom - she knows the lines to the pre-school TV shows!

A little fantasy is good for the mind and soul. It fosters imagination.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Great post. Good luck! I've decided not to have kids, but I'm trying to at least wean The Funasaurus off of red meat and tuna every day. (The pictures of baby cows mixed in with the china aren't working, so far.)

meno said...

What! Scooby Do isn't real? You liar! He is too.

We all have lots of explaining to do as they grow. It ain't always easy.

MommyHAM said...

LOL @ Nemo and Tuna comment.

And that troll bridge, hah!

Thanks for the study break - I seriously just got done reading a required article titled, "Working for the Government is COOL!" LOL -At first I thought they were forcing propaganda upon me (and down my throat) but it was well written (barring the cheesetastic title), very "make a difference."

Pam said...

Oh, this is great! True and very funny.