Monday, April 16, 2007

The Belly of the Beast

Depression is a wacky beast, because when it hits, it's out of nowhere. This monster is big, ugly, and could use some mouthwash. (And frankly, if you were around last week, the same could be said of me.)

I have fought this demon for a long time. Through prayer. Through exercise. Through diet. But sometimes it still catches up to me. Last week was particularly brutal. I'm almost back to myself again, which means I can look no further than my nose and see how truly blessed I am. It's a scary image, also, about how joy robbing depression can be.

I write this not to be saccharine, or feel sorry for myself, but to remind others of you out there that if you do all the right things, but you still feel like your bed is the only place you want to hide in, it's okay to do something about it and not make any excuses.

I suppose there's good news and bad news in my old spunk coming back. The good news is that I'm ready to face the world of querying again. The bad news is that other magazine freelancers are going to have to compete with Mama P in fighting form.

I pity those fools.


amisare waswerebeen said...

I'm by your side, fighting that same battle. It can be debilitating at its worst and make you feel like it will never end and the world seems be one giant negative. I hope you find your way out soon. Many prayers your way.

Liza's Eyeview said...

tough..depression is a tough one... I'm glad you're dealing with it and not denying helps.

Maggie said...

Yup, I know the feeling too. But I love your fighting attitude. Sometimes I don't fight hard enough I think.

Pam said...

Glad to hear that you are back in fighting form. I may have told you, I have a sister who suffers from depression so I have a small understanding of what you talk about.

You have a beautiful family, you are blessed.

I love this picture.

hamiam said...

I'm there with ya sister...

I about fell apart last night hearing a presentation from the Suicide Resource Center - as they held me up while I battled that beast like never before...

We are blessed, though, with or without the beast riding our arses.

meno said...

even though we do all the right things, sometimes the beast still sits on our chests for a while. I'm glad yours got up and is going away. Keep on fighting.

Mama P said...

Amisare - I didn't know you fought depression. I can venture a bet that your religious beliefs are a huge help. It's why I strive toward strengthening my faith constantly also. Pray for me and I'll do the same for you.

Liza - Thanks for checking in. I owe your site a looky loo.

Maggie - Without you telling me you fight this beast, I can tell from your writing you have days like mine. Don't ever stop fighting it. Life is too precious.

Pam - I know how dumb I must sound with my down thoughts when I have nothing to be down about, really. It's why I hate depression when it hits. I thank you for not judging me.

Ham - We need to talk, girl. You hang in, and don't overload yourself!

Meno - I know you have been through the ringer w/other stuff. I appreciate your support