Thursday, November 30, 2006

5 Wacky Things About Me

1. I worked on Roseanne the last season as a writers' assistant. I had to cancel a date with my then gay boyfriend (well, didn't KNOW he was gay then) because Roseanne was too busy smoking pot with her construction worker husband. Pages, one by one, would slide under the door. "Change 'the' to an 'A'"... Okay. Periodically she'd yell "Tall Girl! Order me a salad! With oranges in it."

2. I didn't have a first kiss until I was almost 19. (Of course I then got knocked up at 21... had to make up for lost time)

3. I am fairly spiritual, but if Jesus, the Holy Mary or my mother ever appeared to me in a vision I would squeeze out a log the size of the vatican, then die.

4. I believe there's a pin-up girl living inside of my suburban mother exterior. I plan on bringing her out a bit more as 2007 unfolds.

5. I hate politics. I hate myself for hating them, but unless the world was coming to an end (and I'd probably only know because I'd stop breathing) I have to force myself to read the Sunday times. (For someone who thinks alot, it bothers me to no end that I'm not interested more. Perhaps that's why I have Cecelia in my life - my Miss Knows EVERYTHING friend. Or maybe I'm just scared of the real world so I hide? Who knows. Not proud of it, just saying.)

#6 - the bonus everything you didn't want to know about me insert - I was once waiting for a producer at her house. I had to pee so bad that I squatted in her bushes. I didn't think anyone saw it, until the maid looked down from her window and rolled her eyes. Whoops. How do you say "Guilty By Urination" en espanol?

The end.


meno said...

#6. that's hysterical. But what can you do?
#5. i hate politics too. They bore me. I also feel guilty about this.

#4. Bring on the pin up girl baby.

#2. I didn't have my first kiss until 19 either. I'm a late bloomer.

Penny said...

LOL!! Very interesting!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Roseanne, impressive. Not her, you.
I agree wholeheartedly about politics.
I've done the bushes gig but didn't get caught.
And I love your humor.

Maggie said...

When I was pregnant, with the twins and my bladder was the size of an undergrown flattened pea, we went to a park and hiked down a very long flight of stairs to a river. Then I of course had to pee. So I ducked under the stairs thinking it a great place to hide. When I stood and adjusted my clothing, I turned around to see that where my lovely a** had been, was a direct eyeline to a big beautiful platform of people looking down at the river. Oh baby.

Anonymous said...

ROFLOL at #3.....Ditto, here.

As for the rest, EEEEEn-ter-esting, verrry eenteresting.... ;-)

And you felt compelled to tell us this, why??? lol

superstar said...

good picture

Anonymous said...

Hee! That's awesome! And. I will join you on the pin-up girl quest, o.k.?

Mama P said...

Meno - That's why I relate to you. We're both sarcastic and late bloomers.

Penny - Unfortunately that's just the tip of the iceberg of my nuttiness. Thanks for checking in.

Pam - I'm not as impressive as I sound. A writers' assistant types a zillion words a minute for the writers. I worked all those years in tinseltown, and only wrote shows at the end. But I love your confidence in me.

Maggie - HAAAAAAA! That story of yours ROCKS.

Mommyham - I just know you have similar stories in ya.

Superstar - not sure what pic you're referring to, but thanks. I'll take it.

Princess - You already are a pin up girl. You crack me up.

War Bride said...

Hold on, back up. I am confused and nosy. You got pregnant at 21......but you've told us how old you are now and your boy and girl are obviously too young.

....So...what happened?

Mama P said...

War Bride - It's a long story - the whole getting pregnant at 21 deal. Basically, I did. Get pregnant. Then lost the baby. Then got married. Then lost the husband. All before 22. Very dramatic and gut wrenching and soap opera-eee... all what made me who I am today (and forced my parents to spend 25 k on a wedding.) ooohhhh, check your email. I have that MXE thing for you and want to confirm your new address.

Toni said...

I love all these goals you're setting. It's like after years or intensive mothering, you're ready to get back to being YOU. I've been there, believe me. And "log the size of the Vatican" is my official Phrase of the Day. And I can't believe you peed outside the producers house!!! God that's SO funny. If you don't make it to FRED 2008, I'm going to have you FedExed there myself.

War Bride said...

A very soap opera-ee story indeed. Thanks for filling me in, though.

No e-mail yet, unless it got stuck in cyberspace.... :( that's my sad face lol. I will see if I have your e-mail address and drop you a line.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comment...I laughed out loud at your t.p. to tee-pee
comparison. I remember those days well!