Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Ann of Green Fables

In revising some of my Ebay listings, and scratching my head at how people make more than $1.75/month at this, I came up with the idea of an advice column.

To my surprise, there aren't many of them out there online. At least none with a sense of humor. The one below goes for $24.95 and she's sold over 100 so far. Do the math, peeps! We're talking $2400.00 in clear cash: No mailing - no nothing - just straight email info. Here's what she has to say (my revisions within the parantheticals):

I have done this work for more than 26 years
there is no one else on eBay who does this kind of
Original Automatic Writing (Because I am a freak)

You will see for yourself the wonder of this writing when you receive it. (You will see it because you, too, are a freak to spend 24 bucks on something you don't need.)

As we all know TRUE SPIRIT DO NOT LIE. (True spirit also not be good at da grammar.)

You are about to find out how you can improve your love life, your relationships, your happiness, and most of all, your unique personal psychic ability. (Great, because everyone needs some ESP to ponder the moral question of 'do I or do I not let the neighbor plug me when his wife is out of town?')

Here is a small excerpt of something our spirit friends wrote recently:

"….We will tell you of your majesty and greatness. We will write to tell you who you are in this life and the next. We will take you back to show you the progress you have made since last you trod this path. (But mainly, we spirits will make a lot of cash at your expense. Ex: You came into this world as a human, but you be leaving it as a donkey 'cause you are an ASS.)

I am constantly honoured at the many requests from around the world and I am humbled at the wonderful testimonials.

Without you my gift would not, could not last. (Neither could my husband. Or my firm ass, that spends way too much time sitting at this computer, throwing away my money to wacky English women wearing Turbans who hit the Ebay conventions at Vegas with their earnings, screaming, "I'll take triple idiots for 2400! I win!")

For this I thank you sincerely. (You dumb, dumb bitch.)

I am so confident in the truthfulness of the Spirit Writing that I will give you a 100 % refund if you are not completely satisfied.

In Love and Truth (In lies, deception and strong wind)


No part of the text or photographs must be copied or reproduced.

Hey, Ann, I hope you and your gang of spirit devils find my Mama P ass and sue me! Which I will be able to pay sin problemo because, beginning tomorrow, you have yourself some competition! Except in my spirit world, there are two toddlers. In psychic talk, this means yours truly has no time to blow sunshine up your butt because I'm too busy wiping them. Peace.)

Look out for the link manana, peeps. Mama P is in! The! Spirit House!


Maggie said...

You've got me in tears reading this with your excerpts!

Send that link!

meno said...

maybe the TRUE SPIRIT is not a native English speaker.

This both cracked me up and amazed me with how stupid some people can be.

You should try your own "column" and charge $24.94 for advice.

Mama P said...

Maggie and Meno - Thanks for the support. And, as my longest followers, you win two free readings. The price? You have to say something about my amazing psychic ability so I can put it on the site. Example: "I came to Mama Drama asking about why my sister couldn't get a date. She looked into the stars and clarevoyently answered 'it's because she's 500 pounds, smells like Vagisil and has a mustache rivaling Groucho Marx....' I mean... her answers were, like, so brilliant! How could she know that?

Mama P said...

I know I spelled clarevoyent wrong. I ain't no psychic, girls! (But hopefully spell check will be... 'cause I'm moving into the psycho... I mean, psychic world. Look out!"

Hey, maybe this would be a funny spin-off blog for advertisments to my Ebay biz. I'm looking into the future... I see... lots of funny stories.

Oh, I crack myself up. My poor, poor children.

HAM*I*AM said...

So, uhm, can I be your editor? (C-L-A-I-R-V-O-Y-A-N-T) And together we can roll in the dough - b/c you know, we are SO much smarter than that broad!

That is some funny shit....both hers and yours (though yours is not shit shit, but shit as in stuff) Some people are soooooo dumb, and desperate.