Monday, March 12, 2007
Our Lady of Salvation...Army
I'm not going to lie to you, peeps. I have a sickness that only a miracle can cure. I can't walk past a garage sale, flea market, driveway sale, ninety nine cent store, thrift, retail or salvage store without digging into my pockets for spare change for treasures. I spit on the day I must make a choice between a Happy Meal for my child or a 1980's orange ceramic set of trolls hugging in front of a typewriter with the words "Love is Writing With Your Best Friend."
Like a true addict, I don't EVER believe I buy junk. I mean, just check out this bag I got for half off just last week. It holds all my Ebay packages and only cost 49 cents. It's the size of a small jacuzzi, which doubles easily as a kitten rescue bag, or to haul 100 pounds of banana.
I named her Our Lady of Salvation Army. I pray to her at night after I brush my teeth (toothbrushes I buy NEW, thank you very much. Though to spend 6.99 at the grocery store when I can get them at the 99cent store just makes no sense.) My heartfelt rosary to this goddess of thrifing goes something like this:
Our Lady of Salvation Army
Who art More obnoxious than the dinosaur, Barney
Keep me from my buying trinkets that once
Lay for years in Aunt Matilda's moth bitten trunk
Keep me from buying used baby books
And anything vintage that's glued on a hook
I don't care if it's half off on Senior Tuesday
Keep me from parking there anyway
Help me to sell all the things I have first
Before spending yet another hundred dollars worth
Land me a job where I can shop on for some cash
Cause' how long can this obsession of mine really last?
I'd pray to you longer, but I must get some rest
For tomorrow I'm hauling home a bright pink treasure chest
Only 7 bucks. I mean, can I really pass that up?