Sunday, March 11, 2007

It's Getting Hot In Here

It's summer time in Los Angeles, and like the celebrities of my home town, my kids have taken to stripping down to nothing and running around the block.

Do I think it's a good thing to encourage this with the amount of pervs lurking about? No. Last Tuesday I sternly told them "You get your clothes on this minute! I mean, in two minutes! After I snap this photo!"

My condolences to you cold weathered states, but it's been heavenly around here - I'm talking about the weather outside the house and inside my soul. Usually, when I take this long to blog, I'm either fighting with Rex or fighting my inner demons (sometimes they are both pretty interlinked). But this time? I've been super content to let the days go by. I see blow up elephant pools, a hammock and lots of post dinner walks in my future.

I need to start seeing some work in my future, too, so this week I'm starting the 5am daily hikes up Query Trail... the weekly jogs through Networking Jungle. The daunting sprints through Organization Highway. The dizzying escapades down Ebay Junction.(Are you with me on the travel analogies?)

My biggest news? Brace yourselves... I am officially Zoloft free. We're talking almost two months. I'm thinking of putting up one of those Osha signs in the geranium garden: "22 days without an Accident" and then crossing out Accident and writing "Meds". I might cause our neighbors some concern, however, and I don't need any accidental extra shakes of spice in the Wickemasarian curry chicken that's coming my way at the block party this summer (party to be planned by me, no doubt.)

I feel better than I've felt in years. Well, 7 to be exact - the length of time I've been on it. Do I have any regrets about taking it when I needed it? For adjusting to a new marriage? A new tv show? A lost tv show? A lost father? Two children? My lost independence? No.

But I started to think (which is a scary thing in itself) that life is always going to deal good and bad cards my way. I decided that rather than drink 7 diet cokes/day and 3 cups of coffee and supplementing with anxiety meds I could simply cut the caffeine in half, cut out the Zoloft, and then exercize and eat well.

The main side effects are two fold: The first? I can't be Super Woman anymore. I mean, if I'm pissed, the real Mama P will let you know quicker than the subdued one whose high spirits have been dulled by downer affects.

While on my medication I wasn't having panic attacks (thank God...) but I wasn't feeling as much joy or creativity. I realize now, with all the laughter ringing through this house, that I missed that squirrely side of me. However, with more passion and zip comes more exhaustion. When I'm tired, Rex has to step up to the plate and do what I ask him to: no questions asked. As mostly my close friends can tell you, Rex is a stubborn, quiet man. (But whose husband isn't a pain in the ass in some form or another? I mean, if they did exactly what we asked them to do, like some robot slash pussy slash therapy beaten freak zoid, we wouldn't really be attracted to them, would we? Well, I for one wouldn't.)

The bottom line: our communication styles, like so many couples out there, is my husband's and my biggest pain point: I am a natural giver, he's a natural "leave me aloner because I'm a loner" but, given that the #2 side affect of no drugs is high high HIGH libido on my end, he's dealing quite nicely with the changes.

All this said, if you see a picture of me running around the cul-de-sac in my skiivies, please point your web broswers to


Pam said...

Congratulations, Mama P! Anxiety attacks are terribe, which I never had or understood, until I was struck with my illness. The Dr. put me on Lorazapam but I felt disconnected and strange. I now take as little as possible and adjust my well being as much as possible, with diet.

I know a chemical imbalance can raise hell with our lives but I truely believe that if we can realign without adding more, quality improves. There are no easy answeres, but by the sound of your blog, you've found a good one. I wish you well.

As for stripped down kids, don't you envy their freedom?

meno said...

You sound really happy. How nice. Sometimes i hear horror stories about people trying to get off these drugs. It's good you are having a better time of it.

I am envious of the weather there too. It's rainy and cool here. Maybe it will clear up by July.

Maggie said...

I took that same drug and when I went off of it I thought the world had stopped. I could barely get out of bed and I had THE scariest two weeks of my emotional life. I am ever so happy that things have been different for you! Congratulations! Now put on a bathing suit and run after those half-naked kids, and jump through the sprinkler and laugh laugh laugh

TTQ said...

It's sunny and awesome here (Florida) too. i can't wait till the pool warms back up! I've been feeling kinda stable and calm today..weird.

Mama P said...

Pam - you have very grounded insight, as usual, for all my wacky adventures. Thanks for being you.

Meno - I am happy. Of course I have my moments, like with Nick's school last week, but in general, it feels better to rely on me rather than my brain begging it to "feed the beast." Not that I wouldn't go back if I had to - I'm not shy.

Maggie - I am so sorry you had those experiences going off Zoloft! I had them a few months ago while on them. It's what sent me to the arms of Cecelia who sent me straight on things that no drug could fix. I'm glad I listened to her.

TTQ - your site is cracking me up. Still can't get over the likeness between the Olsen Twins and the Corpse Bride. That SLAYED me.

Liza's Eyeview said...

Enjoyed you posts as usual....

so full of life and laughter...

congrats on being off Zoloft!

War Bride said...

Yay Mama P!!