Sunday, March 11, 2007
It's Getting Hot In Here
It's summer time in Los Angeles, and like the celebrities of my home town, my kids have taken to stripping down to nothing and running around the block.
Do I think it's a good thing to encourage this with the amount of pervs lurking about? No. Last Tuesday I sternly told them "You get your clothes on this minute! I mean, in two minutes! After I snap this photo!"
My condolences to you cold weathered states, but it's been heavenly around here - I'm talking about the weather outside the house and inside my soul. Usually, when I take this long to blog, I'm either fighting with Rex or fighting my inner demons (sometimes they are both pretty interlinked). But this time? I've been super content to let the days go by. I see blow up elephant pools, a hammock and lots of post dinner walks in my future.
I need to start seeing some work in my future, too, so this week I'm starting the 5am daily hikes up Query Trail... the weekly jogs through Networking Jungle. The daunting sprints through Organization Highway. The dizzying escapades down Ebay Junction.(Are you with me on the travel analogies?)
My biggest news? Brace yourselves... I am officially Zoloft free. We're talking almost two months. I'm thinking of putting up one of those Osha signs in the geranium garden: "22 days without an Accident" and then crossing out Accident and writing "Meds". I might cause our neighbors some concern, however, and I don't need any accidental extra shakes of spice in the Wickemasarian curry chicken that's coming my way at the block party this summer (party to be planned by me, no doubt.)
I feel better than I've felt in years. Well, 7 to be exact - the length of time I've been on it. Do I have any regrets about taking it when I needed it? For adjusting to a new marriage? A new tv show? A lost tv show? A lost father? Two children? My lost independence? No.
But I started to think (which is a scary thing in itself) that life is always going to deal good and bad cards my way. I decided that rather than drink 7 diet cokes/day and 3 cups of coffee and supplementing with anxiety meds I could simply cut the caffeine in half, cut out the Zoloft, and then exercize and eat well.
The main side effects are two fold: The first? I can't be Super Woman anymore. I mean, if I'm pissed, the real Mama P will let you know quicker than the subdued one whose high spirits have been dulled by downer affects.
While on my medication I wasn't having panic attacks (thank God...) but I wasn't feeling as much joy or creativity. I realize now, with all the laughter ringing through this house, that I missed that squirrely side of me. However, with more passion and zip comes more exhaustion. When I'm tired, Rex has to step up to the plate and do what I ask him to: no questions asked. As mostly my close friends can tell you, Rex is a stubborn, quiet man. (But whose husband isn't a pain in the ass in some form or another? I mean, if they did exactly what we asked them to do, like some robot slash pussy slash therapy beaten freak zoid, we wouldn't really be attracted to them, would we? Well, I for one wouldn't.)
The bottom line: our communication styles, like so many couples out there, is my husband's and my biggest pain point: I am a natural giver, he's a natural "leave me aloner because I'm a loner" but, given that the #2 side affect of no drugs is high high HIGH libido on my end, he's dealing quite nicely with the changes.
All this said, if you see a picture of me running around the cul-de-sac in my skiivies, please point your web broswers to www.KaiserCarePackages.sendsomeZoloftASAPtoMamaP.com