Monday, January 09, 2006


Mrs. V brings up an excellent point re: leakage. It's not pretty. It's not sexy. But the fact is, moms (especially after two kids) have a hard time laughing, sneezing and jumping without raining on the parade float. Will it happen to you? Depends. (Pun intended).

Here's some other equally glamorous facts that people don't tell you about motherhood:

- Just when you're at the final pushing stage, your husband waiting for your offspring with open arms, you will poop on the birthing table. Just go with it. Personally, the Texas Longhorns could have walked in and I would have cared less
- For some moms, breastfeeding is about as easy as cracking the DaVinci code. Regardless of those signs stating "Babies are born to be breastfed" it doesn't work for everyone. If it does, good for you
- Attachment parenting is great on paper. Then you have a one year old that can't eat a cracker without being permanently lodged to your nipple
- Kids are their own person. Enjoy dressing them while you can, because when they hit 2, they are going to wear their shoes backwards, boys will want to wear Dora underwear, girls will want to wear Xmas sweaters inside out to Easter parties, and they will lose their shoes on the way to preschool
- No matter how unique you think your child's name is, you will find some kid at a mall play area with the same one.
- If you want a girl, you will probably have a boy, and vice versa
- Just when your child is dressed for pictures, they will poop, urinate or vomit
- No matter how much you exercize, you will mysteriously gain little side rolls. The negative, you can't wear muffin top jeans. The positive: extra cushion for your rugrat and no side carrier necessary. And just when you finally believe you're doing the best you can and this is what you will look like forever, you will run into some mom who lost all her baby week just 2 hours after giving birth
- You can pay 1000 dollars for your Baby Bugaboo stroller, but the kid still isn't going to want to sit in it
- Your husband isn't going to find your reasons for time off as necessary as his. Make a understanding with him and move on
- If you compare yourself to other parents and what they have, you will ultimately be disappointed. Especially given that they are probably doing the same thing
- No matter how open you are to others, people will make nasty comments. For some reason, there is always that mom in the playgroup that has elevated herself to "baby expert". Let her blend her own baby food and be glad to have her wisdom
- Friendships are torn apart more than bonded when kids are born, since every mom thinks their angel is the most precious on the planet. I strive to not let this happen and hope it doesn't happen to you
- Family and friends aren't as accessible as you once thought they might be due to busy lives. Join a support group and adjust. Everyone does the best they can
- You will forget birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and being 30 minutes late counts as being on time
- Babies can tear apart marriages or bring you closer - it all depends on how you want to look at it
- Treating your baby like an adult is only going to insure that they go from crib bars to real bars. Structure is the best way to make them safe
- You will change your mind ten times on how to handle something and that's okay
- People will give you their opinion whether you want it or not. Sometimes they might be right, which is super irritating
- There's a million ways to parent, and yes, you are the best parent on the planet with the most precocious, smart kids that ever roamed the earth. She can stand up and smile at the same time? Wow!!! But guess what, no one else thinks she's as cute and smart as their kid. It's okay

And finally.........

- Just when you think your baby will never sleep through the night, they've turned 3 and learned how to work the remote control.

It's a fun ride. Even if you leak a bit on on the front seat.

No comments: