Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Terrible 3's

Anybody out there in Cyber Space find raising a 3 year old like raising a puppy?

- Sit there! Good boy!
- No peeing on the couch!
- No jumping on the bed!
- Thiiiiiiis way!
- No! No! No!
- Hey, no biting!
- Don't sniff that person's butt, it's rude
- If you're a good boy, you get a snack

And, like having a puppy, sometimes Mommies need to take a class - as in I will be taking one in February. I am going to refer to it as a T I T - Toddler in Training. I just hope they don't make me walk Stink around a circle with a choke chain.

Here's Scene 2 of WAC

SCENE B
INT. JIMMY AND HILLARY'S ROOM - THAT NIGHT (CLOE, HILLARY)
Hillary is working on her lap top when a young college girl, CLOE, enters. About twenty same size boxes surround her.

CLOE
Got some E-Buy packages going out?

HILLARY
I wish. The only thing I'm expressing today is right here.

She turns off the breast pump and starts fixing bottles.

CLOE
I'll take the kids and then you'll have some time to yourself.

HILLARY
Oooh goody. Should I start with the laundry? Perhaps the toilet? I think I saw my career there. And my size 2 jeans. Quick, grab a plunger!

CLOE
We'll need a long one. Your pedicure is lodged there, too.

HILLARY
When I hired you to be my nanny, I don't remember one of the qualifications being "smart ass".

CLOE
And I don't remember my dream accomodations being a storm cellar.

HILLARY
A storm cellar with cement siding and no windows. Now that's living.

CLOE
So is having a husband that worships you and two great kids.

HILLARY
I know. I know! I shouldn't whine.

CLOE
You're just pooped from doing too much.

HILLARY
When the kids sleep, Mommy works.

CLOE
I thought "When the kids sleep, Mommy sleeps."

HILLARY
That's only for moms with maids. And since my MBA now stands for Maid/Broke but Ambitious, I get to do it all!

Hillary slumps on the couch.

CLOE
Hey, I'd kill to be you some day.

CLOE
Of course, not until I finish college and get my practice going. I'm talking at least 15 years of freedom first.

HILLARY
I was flattered until that last sentence. Now I have to fire you.

CLOE
I'll cite post partum for my radical termination. Before I go, here's my parting gift.

HILLARY
A six pack of beer? This isn't going to cure my sleep deprivation.

CLOE
There's nothing a six pack can't cure.

HILLARY
You'll be the only psychologist I know with a keg in her office. Is it too early to book weekly appointments?

CLOE
If you don't get sleep soon, you better book some dailies.

As Cloe grabs the bottles, they smile at each other:
CUT TO:

No comments: