Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Pilots Are Sexy...

As in television pilots. As in I sent mine off to ye ol agent today via Priority.
Perhaps its the New Year. Perhaps its the moon. Or, as is my guess with everything, perhaps it's the Zoloft. I don't know, but since 2006 began, I have not only managed to keep to my writing schedule, but I have actually managed to consume less calories than an Army platoon. Of course, I still can't find my keys and exercize is an illusive mystery, but let's go with baby steps, shall we? There's plenty of time for personal trainers and drivers when I make my script millions.

How's your New Year's resolutions going? (And no wise crack remarks from Cecelia or Slim.)

Here's a random joke Rex sent me which made me smile. All you good Catholic's will especially chuckle.


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get >nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1.. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2.. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3.. There are 12 disciples! , not 10.
4.. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5.. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6.. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C
7.. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8.. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9.. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11.. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12.. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13.. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14.. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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